Labels & Judging Others

إن الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا ومن سيئات أعمالنا ‫-‬ اما بعد‬

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لا يَنْظُرُ إِلَى صُوَرِكُمْ وَأَشكالِكُمْ وَلَكِنْ يَنْظُرُ إِلَى قُلُوبِكُمْ وَأَعْمَالِكُمْ
"God doesn’t look at your forms & outward appearance, but he looks at your hearts & your actions." (Muslim)

This hadith emphasises that it is not the outward manifestation of a person or the label that matters to God, but what is inside - the person behind the label. It doesn’t matter if a person identifies as a Muslim, Christian, Jew, Hindu, Atheist or Agnostic. Nor is God concerned about your race, nationality, gender or sexuality. God looks beyond all these things and into your hearts, your soul, your character and your actions.

The prophet said:
ما من شيء أثقل في الميزان من حسن الخلق
"There is nothing heavier in the scales than good character." (Abu Dawood)

and

إن من خياركم أحسنكم أخلاقاً
"The best of you is best in upright character" (Bukhari)

A good Muslim is a good human being - plain and simple!

The qualities of being a good Muslim are not to be found in the length of ones beard or how much skin one covers up. It is not the amount of prayers you perform nor whether you wear a turban or hijab. The qualities of being a good Muslim is to be found in your behaviour, your character, your love and empathy for your fellow human beings. There is a wonderful quote from US politician, Cory Booker, who said:

“Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people;
Before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children;
Before you preach to me of your passion for your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbours. In the end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give.”

There is much more to a person than their label or what you can see. Avoid judging others and remember that you don’t know what they have been through.

The Qur’an says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْ وَلا نِسَاءٌ مِّن نِّسَاءٍ عَسَى أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ
وَلا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلا تَنَابَزُوا بِالأَلْقَابِ بِئْسَ الاِسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الإِيمَانِ

“Oh you who believe, let not a people ridicule another people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule other women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by offensive names. How wretched is rude name calling when one is supposed to have faith.” (49:11)

Our egos often tempt us to judge and mock others - we think we know better and laugh at how foolish others are - but if we can step back a little from our egos and realise there is so much we don’t know. We don’t know what others have been through and what his or her situation is. More often than not we are reacting to our own preconceived perspectives, prejudices, expectations and experiences. We react to labels rather than seeing the person.

Even labels like Muslim, Christian, Jew, Hindu or Atheist. What do they tell you about what lies in the heart and mind of the person? Labels evoke a stock image, a pigeonhole, somebody's definition. They don't tell you anything of real value about an individual. Worse than that they can dehumanise people making it easier to ridicule or hate them.

Labels can perpetuate ignorance, create division and hostility. They become conceptual traps for our mind. When a label is mentioned we immediately access preconceived ideas, generalisations & identifiers that tell you little about the person and may blind us from seeing the human being behind the label.

Of course labels are unavoidable and are essential tools in making sense of a complex and bewildering world. But we must remember that labels are neither true nor false:

"The map is not the territory, the name is not the thing named." (Alfred Kozybski)

Our knowledge of the world is limited by the human brain and our experiences. Everything we think we know is filtered through them and then conveyed by human language that is easily misunderstood and misinterpreted.

The nature, depth and complexity of an individuals experiences and influences is never the same as another, even if they grew up in the same family and environment. Each of us experiences life in a unique way. Our perspectives are singular to us and cannot be identically shared by anyone else.

The more we realise how little we really know and how limited and flawed our knowledge and understanding is, the more humble, tolerant and non-judgmental we can hopefully become.

The prophet said  "إنما بعثت لأتمم مكارم الأخلاق"

Religion is all about good character, behaviour and interaction with people. It’s about what’s in your heart and soul - not what label we attach to ourselves - or as is more often the case: the labels that were attached to us and which we had no choice over!

Most of the labels we use to identify ourselves were given to us by virtue of nature and nurture In other words our parents, environment, predispositions or life experiences. More often than not we acquired them before we had the critical abilities to question them or even understand them. We then develop an emotional attachment to our labels and they soon form part our identity, our tribe, our place in the world.

But the truth is there is neither virtue nor sin in a label. It is what is in our hearts and souls that matters. How you treat others, the good you do & the love you show. These are the only aspects of interest to a Wise & Merciful God. Not your label.

So many of the worlds conflicts seem to be about who has the best label. People killing other human beings because they have a different label than them. If we are ever going to solve such conflicts we must try to move beyond labels, ego and judgemental attitudes. We can start with ourselves and those we come into contact with. Avoiding judging, mocking or dismissing others. When someone disagrees with us or makes our life difficult, remember that it’s typically not about us. It is more likely about their own pain or struggle. Try to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Look for goodness and not negatives. When we look for goodness we will find it, just as when we look for negatives we will find it.

This reminds me of a Joha story - a folk figure that many of you may be familiar with - he goes by many names and in South Asia is known as Nasrudine or Mullah Nasrudine.

One day Joha was sitting at the gates of his village when a couple came to him and asked:
"We are thinking of moving to this place - what is it like?"
Joha asked them: "What was it like where you used to live?"
They replied: "Oh it was awful! The people were nasty, mean ignorant and greedy!"
Joha replied: "It is much the same here."
A short while later another couple came to him and asked:
"We are thinking of moving to this place - what is it like?"
Joha asked them: "What was it like where you used to live?"
They replied: "Oh it was wonderful! The people were kind, friendly and generous!"
Joha replied: "It is much the same here."

اقول قولي هذا واستغفر الله لي ولكم

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رَحْمَتِي وَسِعَتْ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ

"My mercy encompasses every thing." [7:156]

ارْحَمُوا مَنْ فِي الأَرْضِ يَرْحَمْكُمْ مَنْ فِي السَّمَاءِ

"Show mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heaven will show mercy to you."

Give people the benefit of the doubt. No one wakes up in the morning and says, "I think I'm going to be a jerk today." Most of us do the best we can with the resources we have.

I want to finish with a few quotes from various sources that emphasise the universality of the message of avoiding judgment on others and being wary of labels.

Jesus said:
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get." (Matthew 7:1-2)

Prophet Muhammad said:
“Do not criticise you will not die unless you experience what you criticise” (Tirmithi)

The Prophet said:
“Do not search for faults, for if anyone searches for faults, Allah will search for his fault” (Abu Dawood)

Rabbi Hillel the Elder said:
"Don't judge your fellow human being until you are in  that person's place." (Hillel the Elder)

Jesus said:
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)

The Hindu text Garuda Purana says:
"The vile are ever prone to detect the faults of others, though they be as small as mustard seeds, and persistently shut their eyes against their own, though they be very large. (Garuda Purana 112)

Amongst the sayings of the Buddha is:
"Easily seen are others' faults, hard indeed to see are one's own. Like chaff one winnows others' faults, but one's own one hides, as a crafty fowler conceals himself by camouflage. He who sees others' faults is ever irritable & his corruptions grow." (Dhammapada 252-53)

Confucius said:
"The good man does not grieve that other people do not recognise his merits. His only anxiety is lest he should fail to recognise theirs." (Analects 1.16)

And Jesus said:
"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

The Dalai Lama said:
“People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.”

Albert Einstein said,
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

إن لله يأمر بالعدل و الإحسان و إيتاء ذي القربى و ينهى عن الفحشاء و المنكر و البغي يعظكم لعلكم تذكرون

اقم الصلاة