Do not Judge!

The Quran says:

"O ye who believe! Do not laugh at others: It may be that they are better than you."

And the Prophet said:

"Happy is the person who finds fault with himself instead of finding fault with others."

Jesus said:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment that you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get."

This is similar to what Muhammad said:

“Do not criticise; you will not die unless you experience what you criticise”

In Judiasm it says:

"Don't judge your fellow human being until you have reached that person's place." (Hillel the Elder)

Jesus also said:

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"

The Hindu holy texts state:

"The vile are ever prone to detect the faults of others, though they be as small as mustard seeds, and persistently shut their eyes against their own, though they be very large. (Garuda Purana 112)

In Buddhist scriptures it says:

"Easily seen are others' faults, hard indeed to see are one's own. Like chaff one winnows others' faults, but one's own one hides, as a crafty fowler conceals himself by camouflage. He who sees others' faults is ever irritable & his corruptions grow." (Dhammapada 252-53)

Confucius said:

"The good man does not grieve that other people do not recognise his merits. His only anxiety is lest he should fail to recognise theirs." (Analects 1.16)

And Jesus said:

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

But how can we become less judgmental? I would like to share some excellent advice from "Psychology Today" which can help us avoid this behaviour.

When we feel threatened, we go into fight-flight-freeze mode, and are unable to see the myriad possible reasons for another’s behaviour. We get tight and defensive. The key is to pause before we act out of this mode. Try to be mindful. Although judgment is a natural instinct, try to catch yourself before you speak. You can’t get your words back. So pause. See if you can understand where the person may be coming from. Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one, because the truth is we really don’t know the reasons for someone’s behaviour.

Always try to depersonalise what you say. When someone disagrees with us or somehow makes our life difficult, remember that it’s typically not about us. It may be about their own pain or struggle. Why not give others the benefit of the doubt?

Will Smith said:

“Never underestimate the pain of a person, because everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others.”

Look for basic goodness. This takes practice, as our minds naturally scan for the negative, but if we try, we can almost always find something good about another person.

Repeat the mantra, “Just like me.” Remember, we are more alike than different. When I feel critical of someone, I try to remind myself that the other person loves their family just like I do, and wants to be happy and free of suffering, just like I do. Most important, that person makes mistakes, just like I do.

When someone does something you don’t like, perhaps think of it as they are simply solving a problem in a different way than you would. Or maybe they have a different timetable than you do. This may help you be more open-minded and accepting of their behaviour.

The Dalai Lama says:

“People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.”

  

Look at your own behaviour. Sometimes, we may be judging someone for something that we do ourselves, or have done. For example, the next time you find yourself yelling at someone while you’re driving, ask yourself, “Have I ever driven poorly?” Of course we all have.

Educate yourself. When people do things that are annoying, they may have a hidden disability. For example, some people with poor social skills may have Aspergers syndrome. So if someone’s invading your personal space (as someone with Aspergers might), remember again, it’s not about you.

Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Someone once told me, no one wakes up in the morning and says, "I think I'm going to be a jerk today." Most of us do the best we can with the resources we have at the moment.

Feel good about you. Brene´ Brown says:

“If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we are hard on ourselves, we are using each other as a way of feeling better about our own perceived deficiencies.”